I have stepped away from my personal page on Facebook because I really got tired of all the whining and negativity. I'm active on the fan page and one other page I moderate. I haven't turned on the news, just music to keep things upbeat. My stress levels have been at an all time high causing my pain levels to follow. So, that being said, I was spending a lovely afternoon editing some video for the Youtube page when my sister called to tell me to turn on the news. There had been a shooting at an elementary school and she wanted me to pray. I turned on the news and saw what most of us around the nation and the world were seeing. I had no words. With my sister on the phone all I could repeat as she spoke was "Jesus, Name of God". No, not swearing. Calling on the name of my Savior.
In the hours that followed I have found myself on my face on the floor weeping and pouring my heart out in prayer. No words, I don't even know what to pray, but my heart has cried out in a way I don't think it ever has before not only for the families in Newtown, but those in China who also had an attack on little children only five hours before the tragedy in Newtown.
Thankfully, I'm still staying Facebook free as far as my personal page goes, except for posting my support and prayers for the families. I knew what was going to happen next, People would lose sight of the real tragedy and focus on agendas such as gun control.
This isn't about gun control. Talk about that later. This is about grieving. This is about the families that will have an empty stocking hung on their mantle in the coming weeks. Unopened presents under the tree. An empty place at the breakfast table. This is about arms reaching out to hold a child who isn't there and will never be there. I cannot begin to imagine the emptiness, the pain. I know, in my heart, that the last thing I would be thinking of today is gun control laws. Only the devastating silence that replaces the voice of a slain child.
I don't want to talk of gun control. I want to pour out my soul and my heart to these families. Tell them I cannot know what you are going through. I know the words "I'm sorry" are empty and useless. I have no words. I will grieve with you. I will hold you sacred and hold your name in my heart when I go to prayer. I will pray that in time, you will find peace. That somehow, the sting of death will ease and you will only remember the good times and place the pain away only to be visited in times you seek comfort. I pray that no matter what your faith, you will be comforted by the Great Comforter. Healed by the Great Healer, held by the Everlasting Arms.
I pray for this nation and for the world. A world that seems to be crying out for help and for hope. How can we effectively change things when we go about change with anger and confrontation? I choose to love and to understand. To embrace the differences and know that the common bond in our world is not love, it is pain. We all hurt. Then we must enter into this world, this nation, this neighborhood with love, light and healing. Through tears, I choose to be the gentle voice, the understanding heart, the listening ear.
I cannot undo this agony. None of us can. We can, choose to love and focus on being that love. Natalie Grant sang a song that I will link here that says it so much better than I ever could. "We are asking, why this happens, to us who have died to live, it's unfair. This is what it means, to be held, how it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life and you've survived. This is what it is, to be loved, and to know, that the promise was when everything fell we'd be held."
Pray with me will you?